life in the desert: HAs My Well Run Dry?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

HAs My Well Run Dry?

O. K. I'm jumping in here-taking a short break from my usual photo blogging to share today's experience with you.

An old friend and fellow singer, cantor, whom I have not seen or talked to in 8 years, lost her 18 yr old daughter, 5 nights ago.
The cause?
She didn't wake up. She went to bed and never woke up!

I don't know any details which are really hard for me because I am the kind of person who yearns for info, answers to what? why? how?
The small gathering did not allow for any side conversations with those closer to the family, to ask the endless pressing questions in my mind.
What medications was she on?
Was she depressed?
Did she have sleep apnea?
All these questions are still troubling me . Thankfully a tennis date Friday will give me audience with a wonderful women who knows more of the details.

Having just gone through the sudden death of my beloved 43 yr old ,brother-in-law, DEATH and all its aftermaths are still familiar and present in my life.
I attended Crystals' funeral today, and I could not cry a tear.

It was as if my deepest well has dried. I felt sad. I sang full voiced as I have, cantering and soloing for countless funerals over the past 15 yrs. I listened as the priest gave a meaningful Eulogy about the Love of god. HE said

"God, was the first one to cry when Crystal died."

I held the family members as they sobbed in my arms.
I did all the things A compassionate person does, and yet , not one tear flowed.
Did I cry every tear out of my soul during those weeks following Tee's death? Am I in some kind of protective shock?
Is it possible that one can reach a point where sadness meets an end?
I knew exactly what to get the family, since viewing mass and buriel were all in the same day, flowers seemed to impermanent, and besides everyone sends them.
SOmeone gave My sister and every member of her husbands family this Angel and written across her flowing gown is:
" "Perhaps they are not stars in the sky.
but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

# Posted by Marybeth @ | 11:27 PM

5 Comments:

How tragic. You are an amazing writer. Regarding grief - i did not grieve for my Dad til several years after he passed away.

My prayers are with you and your friends.

By Anonymous, at 7:54 PM

wow, that left me kind of speechless and sad. Beautiful writing and what a nice "gift" sometimes flowers at a funeral seem so overpowering, overabundant.

By Anonymous, at 5:01 AM

Dear Lucy * PP

heres the thing...

Now that you have said such encouraging comments about my writing , I may have to continue doing it.
I find words just dont seem to express what I really feel most of the time-if that maks any sense.

(((HUGS)))
MB

By majamom, at 12:38 PM

Yes dear, you should write more often. I am so sorry someone so young was lost with little to no answers. I believe you have a built in protective mechanism that won't allow you to mourn until you have the answers your mind needs. Lois Lane

By Lois Lane, at 3:06 PM

Hi LOIS,

yours is a brillient and unique theory. It makes PERFECT sense.

XO

By majamom, at 1:48 AM

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